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The Simple Moment That Changed How I Handle Stress—And How You Can Use It Instantly
A single moment made me rethink everything I thought I knew about stress. Turns out, the best way to reset your brain has been right in front of us all along.
Steve Mesler
February 18, 2025
Ignite the Concept
The Brief
We optimize everything. Workouts, nutrition, sleep trackers. Stress reduction gets its own section in the self-help aisle. But the best tool? It’s been sitting right in front of us.
One night, instead of checking emails, he put his phone down and just watched. His kid, asleep. No distractions. And something shifted. Heart rate dropped. Breathing slowed. Not just calm—a biological reset.
It turns out, this isn’t just a nice feeling. It’s a built-in system for blocking stress, rewiring focus, and resetting the brain. One we’ve been conditioned to ignore.
Because stress isn’t just about what’s happening—it’s about what we’re allowing. The question isn’t whether we have time to slow down. It’s whether we can afford not to.
A full-body shift, without the workout. A mental reset, without the meditation. A competitive edge, without the burnout.
It’s not another hack. It’s how your body was designed to work.
Dive deeper, below!
Integrate the Concept
Many nights, I sit in our kids’ room while our youngest asks if I can watch him as he falls asleep.
But if I’m being honest? I’m usually on my phone. Answering emails, scrolling, checking things that feel productive.
The other night, for no real reason, I put the phone down.
And I just… watched.
His fingers twitched like he was counting in a dream. His arm floated up, then dropped down, in that half-asleep way kids do.
And something happened in my body.
A sense of peace descended on me. But it was more than that: it was a full-body shift. My breathing slowed. My heart rate dropped. My mind finally let go.
It was a beautiful moment, one I haven’t been able to stop thinking about. As I rolled it around in my mind, I asked myself: why does this feel different?
I’ve stood at the Olympic start line. I’ve been in billion-dollar boardrooms. None of them felt this satisfying.
So I started digging to better understand what’s really going on in moments like these.
What I found? This wasn’t just a feeling. It was a biological advantage we’ve been ignoring.
It’s also a biological function that, as a man, has been trained out of me by both society and my sense of needing to continue to move forward at all times…
What’s Actually Happening in Your Brain When You Feel Calm?
Even if you haven’t had the luxury of watching a child sleep peacefully at night, hopefully you’ve had similar calming moments: hugging a loved one; snuggling a pet; laughing with a friend; feeding a baby.
There’s something biological going on in these moments. And if you’re like me—always looking for ways to improve myself, whether it’s eating right, training hard, or optimizing recovery—it’s something you’ve likely missed, or underestimated.
Think of this as a biological superpower that’s been sitting under our noses this entire time.
That superpower is a hormone called oxytocin. If you’ve heard of it, you’re not alone. But I never really understood what was happening inside the body. Afterall, I did get a C in physiology in college.
When you’re fully present during a naturally pleasurable or evolutionarily advantageous—more on that shortly—moment (especially while connecting with others), your brain flips a switch. Oxytocin floods your system.
People call it the bonding hormone, but oxytocin is also a stress-killer. Oxytocin helps keep stress in check by slowing down the system that produces cortisol, the body’s main stress hormone. It does this by reducing the signals that tell the body to release cortisol, allowing stress levels to drop more quickly. This is why higher oxytocin levels help you feel calmer and recover from stress faster. (go deeper on NIH.gov, here)
While cortisol makes you reactive, on edge (sometimes for good reasons, but over the long-haul, it’s destructive), oxytocin prevents it from binding in your brain.
That means even if your body is producing cortisol, it can’t trigger the same stress response in your body.
High cortisol narrows your thinking—it makes you defensive. Great for a flashing red light or a fight. Oxytocin does the opposite—it expands thinking, improves decision-making, and increases connection. Your brain shifts from survival mode to clarity mode.
Why does watching your kid sleep feel so much bigger than just a nice moment?
Turns out, your brain didn’t develop this response randomly. It’s survival programming. Think about early humans. What kept them alive? Not just strength. Not just aggression. It was the ability to protect their people. Nature wired us to extend the species so it is logical to realize we passed on traits that strengthened our ability to do that.
Watching over a sleeping child wasn’t just sentimental—it was a survival mechanism.
Your brain learned: If your child is safe, you have done your job in the moment. And because humans who were better at protecting their young passed on their genes, this response got reinforced over thousands of years.
That’s why this moment hits different.
It’s not just peaceful. It’s deep confirmation that what matters most is secure and thus your brain and body can move away from alert-status.
And when your brain registers that?
Your whole system resets.
And here’s the thing—if this response is so powerful, why don’t we use it more? Imagine as a leader, or a parent, if you could on-demand block cortisol and flood your brain with something positive.
How to Use This in Leadership, Work, and Life
If you can control when and how your brain shifts into oxytocin mode, you gain a distinct advantage in leadership, business, and life.
Most people think you need physical contact to trigger oxytocin, but your brain doesn’t always need real-world input to activate this powerful hormone. Simply visualizing a loved one, recalling a warm memory, or focusing on gratitude for someone important in your life can create the same neurochemical response. Studies show that mental imagery—picturing a moment of deep connection—can stimulate oxytocin release, even without physical touch.
Loving-kindness meditation and gratitude practices have been proven to increase oxytocin levels, shifting the brain into a calmer, more connected state.
Before a big meeting or intense conversation, instead of letting stress take over, use this mechanism to your advantage. Spend a few minutes thinking about someone who brings you peace, love, or gratitude. Imagine a past moment with them, picture their face, hear their voice.
This isn’t just a feel-good exercise—it’s a proven way to lower cortisol, regulate your nervous system, and shift into a high-trust, high-clarity mindset. When you walk into that room, your body is primed for connection, composure, and better decision-making.
At night, after work?
Instead of scrolling - feeding your dopamine system - observe something calming in real-time. A sunset. A child sleeping. A quiet room.
Most people react to stress; high performers learn to regulate it.
But it’s more than that: oxytocin feels wonderful. Consider it a biological gift. Might as well learn to use it.
-Steve
