Is Our Satisfaction Problem Solvable?

Recently, I was scrolling the ‘Gram (that’s what the kids call it) and came across one of my favorite authors/researchers right now - Arthur C. Brooks - offering a deceptively simple formula:

Satisfaction = Haves ÷ Wants

On its face, it makes total sense. Want less or have more, and satisfaction rises. More numerator, less denominator. (watch the clip, here)

And yet—if that were the whole story, we’d all be walking around calm, content, and fulfilled. No stress. No burnout. Just satisfaction, 24/7. It would also mean that achieving a singular, lifelong goal should guarantee lasting fulfillment. But speaking as someone who accomplished exactly that—a 20-year pursuit, the biggest goal I could imagine—the equation didn’t deliver satisfaction. And I know I’m not alone. It doesn’t seem to deliver it for many of the high-performers I work with either.

So, that’s likely not reality. Because human experience isn’t a math problem. Satisfaction and wanting are better conceptualized not as a numerical equation, but more like levers we can pull when we need them. 

And, they both have value.

Here’s the truth: satisfaction doesn’t get you to the next level.

Wanting does.

Wanting is the fuel that drives the pitch. The sale. The job change. The last rep when your legs are shot. The hard conversation with your kid or your team.

But without satisfaction, the tank never fills back up to access more wanting. And without satisfaction, why do we want to make the sale or lift the extra weight? They’re inextricably linked to each other.

The Performance Formula Nobody Teaches

There’s a moment you reach a goal, and instead of joy… it’s emptiness. The number gets hit, the finish line crossed, and still there’s that question: Why don’t I feel it? Why don’t I feel what I thought I would when I got here?

That’s what happens when “wanting” runs the show. It’ll get you there. But it won’t let you arrive.

Here’s where I think the shift is: it’s likely not about choosing between satisfaction or wanting, or what we have. It seems to be more about learning how to pull the right lever at the right time.  It’s… context.

Said another way - Wanting is the fuel. Satisfaction is the destination.

When you’re chasing a raise, launching a business, or trying to provide your family with the life they deserve, wanting can be rocket fuel. You should use it. I know I do.

But when you hit that moment of success—when you close the deal, when your kid smiles on the ski hill, when the hard thing pays off—you have to switch levers. You have to know how to feel it. How to pause long enough for it to land that you’ve arrived.

Because otherwise, what’s the point?

Training the Skill (aka “Taking In The Good”) of Satisfaction

Here’s what most people miss: satisfaction isn’t something you stumble upon—it’s something you practice. It took me nearly 40 years to even consider that possibility and to be honest, it’s still very much a work in progress.

But here’s what I’ve learned—from personal experience, from the people I coach and work alongside, and from the science of skill-building: if we want to feel satisfied when we hit a goal, we have to train ourselves to know what satisfaction feels like. We really ought to treat it like any other skill we’re cultivating - with deliberate practice.

(Go deep on the science of skill building and deliberate practice with famed psychologist Anders Ericsson, here)

Because if we’ve spent years using “wanting” to drive us—and never practiced the skill of actually feeling satisfied—how could we possibly expect it to show up on demand? If you’ve never spoken Mandarin and you’re dropped in China—good luck!

So, Dr. Rick Hanson, a neuropsychologist, for the win. He fantastically explains that our brains are hardwired to hold onto stress and overlook positive experiences—a survival mechanism that helped keep our ancestors alive, but now mostly just keeps us anxious.

To counter this, he suggests a three-part method:

1. Stay with it. When something good happens, don’t move on too fast. Pause, even just for a breath.
   

2. Feel it. Notice where it lands in your body. The warmth, the smile, the ease.
   

3. Name it. Say what made it feel good. This triggers dopamine, reinforces the memory, and trains your brain to hold onto success.

(You can find Dr. Hanson’s full framework here.)

It’s simple. And it works.

There’s an oversized stairwell in our house and just about every time I walk it, I smile. I’ve trained myself to pause, even for two seconds, and register that I love it. That I’m lucky to have a house with stairs like this. It’s a version of adding to the numerator, if you’re really into Dr. Brooks’s equation.

That doesn’t make me any less ambitious. But it makes me less depleted—and that’s a competitive advantage.

Gratitude Isn’t Soft. It’s Smart.

Another way to think about “taking in the good” and training the pause, is as gratitude.

Gratitude isn’t about pretending you don’t want more. It’s about noticing that you already have something—and using that as fuel. (As I mentioned in a recent piece, if you’re letting scarcity drive you, you’re running on the fumes of fear. Wanting that is anchored in gratitude can be a much better power source.)

The notion of gratitude has become somewhat cliché, but the research on this is legit. 

A 2018 meta-analysis published in The Journal of Positive Psychology found that gratitude interventions consistently increase overall well-being and life satisfaction. UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center points out that gratitude strengthens relationships, improves physical health, increases resilience, and even enhances decision-making under pressure.

Talk about a potent fuel!

More on that here: Berkeley’s The Science of Gratitude – Greater Good Science Center

Gratitude isn’t fluff. It’s strategy.

The Real Choice

If I had to choose between wanting and satisfaction, I honestly don’t know which I’d pick. And the good news is—I don’t have to.

Neither do you.

You can want more. You should. That drive is how progress gets made—at work, in sport, in life.

But you can also train yourself to feel more. To let the good land. To fuel up in a way that keeps you going without burning out.

The truth is, you don’t have to pick a side. You just have to stay awake enough to know which lever to pull when.

Wanting moves you forward. Satisfaction keeps you whole.

So the next time you find yourself chasing—or arriving—ask:
What’s the lever I need right now?
Then pull it with intention.
And keep moving forward.

- Steve

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I just watched the Arthur Brooks clip, now bring me back where I left off, Steve!